What do you think of white couples adopting black children?

Is this a good or bad trend? Is there an element of wanting recognition for adopting without having to ask for it directly, or is it just solely a desire to help children no matter their race? I will read all answers before awarding the points. Please look at my other questions as well.What do you think of white couples adopting black children?
I'm white, and I think children should stay within their own culture/race/ethnicity whenever possible.





When people say it ';doesn't matter,'; they may think they're being non-racist and enlightened, but what they're doing is ignoring reality and erasing differences. Having adoptive parents who insist you're ';no different'; than a child born to them is painful enough if you are the same race.





It's all very easy for us (whitefolks) to pretend race doesn't matter. Ours is the race with the most power. We have the luxury of not even thinking of ourselves as having a race. Therefore, it's almost impossible for us to understand what people of color go through, no matter how much we may love them.





';Love is not enough to give a child a sense of belonging, to hold him safe against the experiences of isolation and alienation, of feeling adrift without a sense of anchor in the world. Love is necessary, but it is not sufficient. Children must be equipped, empowered with the arsenal of their cultural traditions and heritage to protect and shield them so that the seeds of love will have a chance to survive and flourish in self-esteem, self-respect, racial identity and self-protection without denial of the gifts of race and color God has so purposefully bestowed upon them.';What do you think of white couples adopting black children?
Hi. I had multiple miscarriages, and my husband and I looked into adoption. We just knew we wanted to have a family, whether the children came from our bodies or not. We are both white, and it takes much longer to adopt white children. We started discussing whether the color of the child matters, or whether the desire to have a family is the most important. We decided we wanted a family no matter what.


We were concerned as to whether the children would be bothered by parents of a different race, and would have to deal with that if it came to be.





We ended up not having to adopt as I finally found a diagnosis for my multiple miscarriages and were able to have children on our own. But to this day, I know I would have adopted any child.
I think it is good. Staying within cultural/race similarities is preferable, but if a similar match cannot be made, the priority must be the best, permanent, speedy placement of the child, even if culture and/or race are not the same. Also, the education of the parents should be strong. White parents of black children become an interracial, intercultural household, and those who make the most efforts to reflect this in their life will enjoy the most success.





As the white parent of an asian child, adopted at age 9, I think I could have used more education in how to better deal with the inevitable issues. On my own, though, I think I've done pretty well. I moved to a more culturally integrated area, and my household is an Asian American blend. Our family and friends are a blend of cultures and races as well, and I think one big payoff is that my daughter (now 16), comes to me with any issues she feels and we work though them. Do we have to be the same race to work through them?





Well, my oldest son is disabled, and he also has had issues with small minded people in this world. I'm their mom. I feel their pain and I don't need to have the same disabilities or race to work help them with their challenges. I do make sure that my son has the mentoring and friendship of other disabled people so he can benefit from knowing people with the same challenges that he has, but not being disabled myself makes me no less qualified to be his mom. The same applies for my daughter. It is not about being exactly the same, it is about how you face and overcome the challenges in your families lives.





I wanted to adopt even when I was very young. I have a paper written for school when I was in the 3rd grade about ';My Adult Life'; and I wrote even then about having a child by adoption. I don't think wanting recognition is part of it, at least for me, this has always been a part of my life.





I would be very OK if a black couple adopted a white child, the point is, every child needs a loving home.
I'm asian and I was adopted by an entirely white family. That has had a profound effect on my life, because for the longest time I identified myself as white, rather than Asian because I had never been exposed to the culture enough to claim it as my own. More than likely if I had been exposed to my birth culture, I would have rejected it, because I did not want to be ';different'; than my adoptive family.





I struggled with race and identity issues, but I wonder how much of that would have been different had I known then what I know now. I also wonder how things would have been different had my parents been better educated to parent a transracial adoptee.





I believe education is the key to being better prepared to adopt a transracial child. I am not completely against it, but I believe that parents should know what they're getting into, know exactly how difficult the racism their child will experience is. One of the reasons it may be difficult for white parents to parent African american children is because more than likely the white parents are less familiar with feeling ostracized because of their race. My mom never really knew how to deal with it when I would tell her people were racist to me, maybe in part because she had never dealt with it herself before.





I am glad that people are willing to adopt babies regardless of race. That makes me think our country may really be progressing past its dark, racist past. I do not think it is okay for people to adopt babies of other races to be part of a ';trend';. If you are adopting because you think yourself a trendy Angelina or Madonna, please just write a check to a local children's charity because you are not ready to adopt.
I think it's a nice idea to adopt a child. Whether it is black or white. It doesn't matter as long as think what is the best for your family and the child. If i will adopt a black child, it is ok for me. I will be able to give the child a better life and a better future. Same goes if viceversa. But I am not planning to adopt a child now because i am only seventeen and in college. Maybe im the future i'll consider your idea depending on my situation :) oh by the way, I am a filipino. A proud one :)
It shouldn't matter what race the baby is. Unfortunately a lot of children that live in Africa are born into bad circumstances or their parents pass away from diseases and they go into foster care. Adoption of any child is the most selfless gift there is out there. I just had my last baby my third and due to complications I can no longer have kids. My husband and I have decided that when we want another child we will adopt and the race of the child has never come across our mind. We just want to bring a child into our home where it can have all the love and support that it deserves. I am white, my husband is white, but I have nieces and nephews that are mixed and I love them all the same.
It doesn't matter about the race. A family friend adopted a little black boy cute as a button. I love how they raise him, The birth mother never wanted to see him but the natural father did ( he was a married man with children when he got with the birth mother) This wonderful couple takes their son once a month to see his natural father and the natural grandmother this way the child know everything and can relate to them. wonderful adjusted family
I think it's a GREAT IDEA! I recall a story on the news a few years ago regarding black social workers letting orphaned children languish in foster homes because there weren't enough black families to adopt them. One little boy covered his body with toothpaste when the social worker came to transfer him to another foster home. He's been with the white foster family so long that he remembered no other source of love. That story broke my heart. All children need a loving permanent home as soon as they are free to be adopted. Otherwise, the chances that they will end up in prison 15 or 20 years later is much higher than is acceptable. LOVE IS COLORBLIND!
I'm white and have 5 adopted children, hispanic and white. For me race is unimportant, every child deserves the love and stability of a family. Once when my daughter was 6 and we were out with our african american foster children in a restaurant we got many stares. My daughter stood up, turned to the people and said something I will never forget ';IT'S ONLY SKIN!'; out of the mouths of babes, how true!
I think they make it too difficult for black parents to adopt. I look at it from a culture standpoint. there are some things a white family can never relate to that a black child needs ..like history. While the love and basic needs can be met ..there is always that void and questioning the child will have... If the parents have a community of black friends/family willing to mentor ..than I think its ok.
There is nothing wrong with a white couple adopting some black children


The thing is if you will love and care for them like they were your own.Besides there been a actress that adopted from across sea and the children were not even the same race. I'm not the same race my adopted parents are they are American I'm Korean
If I were to adopt a baby of a different ethnicity, I would educate them about their culture. Make sure they learn the language, everything as if they grew up with a family of the same culture.





Even if the baby sticks out from the rest of the family, at least it has a home and a family that loves it.
We are white I guess...sort of. More like mutts who happen to have light colored skin. This article makes things sort of interesting though doesn't it? Support for mysteries of biology, not color itself.





http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=18135鈥?/a>





I would be totally cool with black parents adopting a white child.
ok so i have a story :]





when i was a freshman in high school, i had this friend named james who was black and adopted by this sweet white couple. they were so good to him..but the people at school teased him relentlessly. they thought it was ';so freakin retarded'; that white people would want a black kid. they made his life HELL.





so..in conclusion. i think its great that all of these white people want to adopt black kids. but do u really want ur kids to be continually taunted?
I want to see Black children raised by Black Parents.





We as Black People will never truly fit in a society of non-Blacks. It is just the truth. I'm sorry to say it, but we are generally looked down upon all over the world.
It doesn't really matter as long as they teach the child about their culture. It also would be nice to have a friend that is the same race so that the child has someone from their culture to look up to.
the race should not matter. if the child is adopted it will not match your dna. it will have different traits including pigment. adoption is for loving a chil, not trying to pass it off as though you created it.
It is not a race issue. Couples adopting any type of children is a beautiful thing.
My best friend's children are mixed, white mom black dad. Everyone thinks they are mine anyway. I would love any child I would be fortunate enough to parent.
it doesn't matter what race the child is just that you have one. i never really notice when a white couple has African American children.
I agree with [somebody else]. It's not a race issue. I think it's an awesome idea.
i say, if it's the cutest damn baby in the orphanage, why not adopt it?
Well, is it good or bad for a child to be stuck in foster homes or orphanages?
As for me I think the race is not important.
there is nothing wrong with that


but its ok if you want one





when im gonna turn 25 im planing to adopt an Asian girl and name her Emma or Emily





so its all good
y not? they r human. god bless
Hi,


We are white and we adopted an Af. American Child through foster care. We didn't ask for any particular race, age, sex. He is actually bi-racial (caucasian and black) but he looks black in skin tone. There were other extenuating circumstances that led to his removal at birth, but the rest of the family was asked to take him in and all refused based on race.


He is a normal, healthy, happy, and loving little boy. There are many issues with raising a black child as white parents--especially in the deep south. We get stares and comments all the time. Some older white people have problems with him (or us with him) and some younger black women have problems with me. Family and friends were highly skeptical at first....they posed it as concern for us and how we would deal with the negativity, but ultimately, it was their problem, not ours. We often get the 'he could be the next Barack Obama/Tiger Woods/Kobe Bryant' (enter any light skinned/biracial national figure). My biggest issue is when our son speaks to people and they ignore him....purposely. He is VERY outgoing and friendly and MOST people are friendly right back to him, but some people will simply refuse to talk to him....I don't know if that is a racial issue or not, but it sucks whatever the reason.


We certainly didn't adopt for recognition or accolades. We wanted a family, we have the room and we wanted to adopt children who were in legitimate need of parents/a home. I don't think transracial adoptions should be the norm....I think every effort should be made to keep children with parents of their same race, but unfortunately there are FAR more white couples adopting than there are black couples....and FAR more black children in foster care than white children. I wouldn't care if a black couple adopted a white child, but only under conditions where there are far too many white children in foster care and not enough white parents to adopt them. I don't want a division of races....not at all....I just think it would have been easier for my child to be raised in a home where his parents resembled him in some way.


There are many things about his culture/history that he should know as a black man that we won't know to teach him. I think we have lots to learn and it will be more difficult for him and for us....for us to learn about and teach and expose him to his own history and culture, and for him to deal with the fact that we don't look anything like him and can't truly understand what it is like to be him.


Hopefully, the trend will be that more African American couples seek out adoption through foster care....so that fewer placements have to be transracial. As for transracial adoptions being a trend, I am not certain I agree with that. Sure, there are a handful of celebrities adopting internationally, but the vast majority of adoptive parents still want white, healthy infants.....not 5 year old black kids. I am for ethical adoption through foster care, no matter the race....but I think AP's who adopt transracially should necessarily be given more training on how to parent these children, and should absolutely devote time to understanding and immersing themselves and their child in his/her own culture.


%26lt;%26lt;Foster-to-adopt mommy.
From foster care, I'm for it if they're a good family and doing it for the right reasons, race regardless. There's not enough people willing to adopt from foster care to begin with. If a loving parent or couple can provide a foster child who truly needs a home a good one, race shouldn't get in their way.





The reasons for wanting to adopt vary from couple to couple as much as the reasons they have for wanting to have biological children. Some have good motivations, some have bad motivations. You can't lump all adoptive parent's into a category any more than you can lump first mothers or adoptees into a single category.





The race thing... It would present some awkward questions, and some people may make inferences about the AP's, yes. Be those positive or negative, I don't know - it'd probably vary. For all other people know, the child could be mixed and one of the parents just a step-parent or something. I do think parents wanting to adopt a child of a different race must make EVERY effort to educate the child in the cultural history of their race, and have the child have positive adult figures in his/her life from their own race. As much as we'd all like to be colorblind, if you try to raise a black child to BE white (or vice versa), you're going to end up with a kid with a lot of identity issues. So ties to the adopted child's origins need to be kept, certainly.





If it's as depraved as just wanting recognition that's motivating someone, I'm sure it has happened (because if it's depraved in any way, you know it's been thought of and implemented at some point in this county), but I very much doubt it's the motivation for a lot of people. Maybe movie stars, but their depravity in all matters is well known, so they don't count.





Maybe I'm naive, thinking that most people aren't that screwed up, but really: there's gotta be an easier way if you just want recognition.


I think there's very few people who would be that sick for attention that they'd adopt a child just to get their fix.
THANK YOU for not asking an EITHER/OR question.


Refreshing.








Q. What do you think of white couples adopting black children?





I think they're well-meaning people who are deluded into thinking they can overcome what others have not. On second thought, many do overcome the racial divide because they have to. But it is much much easier on the parents. And the children will present a good face, but depending on the circumstances many of us are deeply scarred by this avoidable experience. Do we grow up resenting being put in the position where our differences stand out for ridicule? We try not to, but it's hard. It's a constant struggle. Especially because it's we the children who have to suffer the consequences. Alone. Some get really really angry about this. Some of us write at Y!A...





As I wrote in a previous Y!A:


';Why put the children through additional struggle?





the impact of transracial adoption is so subtle, yet so profound.


it sets up yet another layer of issues to grapple with compounding the already profound identity issues of adoption.





it needs to really be thought about in depth ahead of time.


i believe adoptive parents willing to adopt transracialy mean well and have all the best intentions, but the reality is far more complex and far more difficult than they can know ahead of time, and the difficulties the parent may encounter are totally different than the adoptee will encounter, who will always be seeking to find peace with their identity.';








Q. Is this a good or bad trend?





Personally, I'd rather see the world become more blended through mixed race families - that is, different races marrying and having mixed raced children. I see this as an extremely positive trend. The problem is not just race, but it is also the culture that often goes along with race. Color is like an umbrella of cultures. There is typically a culture that goes along with that skin color. In a mixed race family, the child will be indoctrinated with African American culture in a natural and thorough manner, because one of the child's parents will hand that knowledge down to them. But in an unmatched adoptive mixed race family, there is no cultural legacy to hand down. The expectation to know a culture, the difficulty in learning that culture academically, the feelings of inadequacy that come up because you are without knowledge yet you represent that culture by merit of your skin color: these are all every day struggles for a child whose parents don't share any physical features and the cultural legacy that goes with them.








(apologies for those of you who've heard this story before)


Here is the story of an african-american male adopted man I dated. his well meaning caucasian parents adopted him believing their love and understanding would cancel out the race factor. he was considered too white by the black minority where he grew up. he was considered too black by the white majority where he grew up. (this was a liberal, open-minded community) and though his parents tried to be color blind and provide a color blind world view for him, the truth was his world was color focused. because even if there is no hatred and the society is accepting, the fact is that people still address and relate to people of color differently. it wasn't until he was in high school where some african american sisters took pity on him and helped TEACH him how to fit in better as an african american male that he began to stop feeling like an alien. all of which was to the detriment of his place in white society and to his relationship with his adoptive family, both of which he rejected to be more fully black. he spent his adult life very angry over having been put in this avoidable situation, and it wasn't until a nervous breakdown that he finally came to terms with his adoption and forgave his parents.





this is a stark example. however, most of us transracial adoptees have parallel paths. i believe, if given a choice, most of us would have preferred to be placed in a home that matched racially.








Q. Is there an element of wanting recognition for adopting without having to ask for it directly, or is it just solely a desire to help children no matter their race?





Ut-oh. An either/or question. We all want recognition, especially to be recognized as good people. Even Madonna's narcissism, philanthropy, and unfulfilled emptiness are elements of her personality all battling for supremacy. We're probably not much different - just less rich and powerful and under less scrutiny. Sometimes, many times, it can be all of the above. When you desire to help other children, then recognition comes along as an added perc. Just talk of entertaining adopting brings this perc - it's got a momentum of it's own. For some reason (racist) you are given more accolades if you're ';open'; enough and ';big'; enough to adopt outside of your race.





It is more interesting, to my mind, to explore: why another race? Because other races need more help? Because we can do a better job than they can? Entertaining the notion of being benevolent enough to include another race is a very slippery slope. Where does that superiority come from? It is racism. Choosing another race BECAUSE it is another race is, inherently racist. This is why many people get that euew-ick feeling about rainbow families - because it is borderline fetish.





In talking to other transracial adoptees, it is clear that our parents, while progressive, still had much work to do regarding recognizing their own racism. And when you are raised in a society that marginalizes your race, to the extent that you must overcome that marginalization and learn to take pride (i.e., not feel shame) in yourself despite the prejudices people have, it is a crazy-making situation when your own parents commit random acts of racism upon you.





They are products of THEIR culture and so they can not teach you how to deal with the injustices of their culture, because they've never experienced anything but the privilege of being part of that culture. But a racially matched, culturally matched person can. Because they've had to suck it up or be creative or learn to cope all their lives. That's invaluable stuff.





Matching is preferable. It should be the first choice whenever possible. When it isn't possible. Us other transracial adoptees are available at support boards for when they are old enough to work through the aftermath.